A Lack of Women in Video Games and a Swearing Woman Presenting Video Games

This is a two-parter blog.  I shouldn't really have to explain what that is, but I'll explain it anyway.  I want to talk about two things and instead of making two separate blogs, I'm going to talk about those two things in a the same blog.  Understood?  Goodie.  On we go.

First Part:

Let me present you with the newest Jimquisition.   In it, he talks about the lack of female playable characters in the newest installment of the Assassin's Creed franchise Unity.  Ubisoft states that creating female characters would have "doubled the amount of work".   I honestly can't think of any better way to address that ridiculous statement than how Jim Sterling did in his latest piece.  But, if you don't want to watch his video, I'll share  my thoughts.

Doubling the amount of work?  Lack of resources?  You are UBISOFT!  You have MILLIONS of dollars to R&D; to develop amazing CGI cutscenes; to develop new engines; to produce massive marketing campaigns.  You HAVE the resources to do it.  YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IT!  You can't possibly call a game "Unity" and then KNOWINGLY leave out female assassins.  You PRAISED yourself by increasing diversity when you created Assassin's Creed: Liberation's lead Aveline de Grandpre, an assassin who wasn't just a woman, but also half black.  YOUR PRIME DIRECTIVE WITH UNITY SHOULD HAVE BEEN TO INCLUDE ANOTHER WOMAN ASSASSIN!  You can't just give the community one woman and then say, "There's your woman.  Happy now?"

Jim also addresses this point.  Let's just say it really was a matter of over distention with the budget and they really couldn't afford to build and animate female characters, not to mention voice act them.  This is a problem with AAA game developing, having to spend so much money on bang and flash and to market it so aggressively that even elderly people in hospices are exposed to your commercials.  But the biggest offending factor to Unity is that it HAS to come out exactly a year after the previous Assassin's Creed.  STOP THIS!  Give your games more time!  We can wait!  Because we're buying other games because yours isn't out yet doesn't mean you're losing money.  We'll still buy it when you release it.  If it means Unity doesn't come out in March or whenever next year, so be it.  YOU NEED GOOD PRESS UBISOFT!

And well, like a friend of mine said, Rockstar at least flat out said they were going to have three male protagonists in GTA V.  They didn't come out with any bullshit excuses of, "But we ran out of moneiz!" like Ubisoft said...

End Part 1

Begin Part 2

Loud mouths.  Gotta love them.  I present to you Aisha Tyler.

This foul mouthed comedian (of which I have no problems with personally) has hosted the Ubisoft E3 Press Conference for at least the third time straight.  But, it's her attitude this year that's making the news.

She will tell you straight to your face "Fuck you!" if you tell her she doesn't play games.   Apparently, she does and if you disagree, "FUCK YOU!"  I haven't watched the conference this year, but I did watch the little compilation posted in the article.  Now.. *takes a deep breath* before I continue, let's just say that I swear up a storm.  Anyone I hang out with can attest to that.  I have a sailor's mouth, and it gets really, really bad when I play games (especially Mario Kart).  I also love a lot of movies that are full of swearing.  "Yippie-kae-yay motherfucker!" is in fact one of my favorite lines.  I'm not adverse to swearing; I just believe that are certain times and places you just don't do.

It's about being professional.  She can swear however much she wants in her stand ups, and that is fine.  I saw one of her stand ups and it was fucking hilarious.  But, during an E3 Press Conference, she's representing Ubisoft.  This wasn't being professional.  And yes, I'm aware that the games Ubisoft makes contain swearing, as well as blood and sex and other things.  Again, it's about presenting yourself professionally.  Let's say you're working in a restaurant.  You can tell your coworker, "I need a fucking cheeseburger!", but when you serve that cheeseburger, do you tell  your customer, "Here's your fucking cheeseburger!"  No... it's not professional, and even if you told me you do stand up as your night job, I wouldn't care.  You don't impress me with your ability to swear while doing your job working in someone else's establishment.

Which is highly ironic that I love the Jimquisition, because that man cusses up a storm.  Again, however, there's a difference.  The Jimquisition is Jim Sterling's show, and those who don't like swearing don't have to watch it.  They know what to expect, and they steer clear of it.  But people who wanted to watch the Ubisoft E3 conference can't steer clear of Aisha Tyler unless they simply don't want to see the conference.  My issue with Tyler is that all this swearing and being quoted "FUCK YOU!" is drawing a LOT of attention to herself, so much so that more people are talking about HER than the games.  THAT'S unprofessional.  Who gives a fuck if we cuss in our blogs or while we play games, right?  When you represent a COMPANY, however, then it comes time to watch your mouth.

And get a better joke writer.... I swear, I don't want to watch them most of the time because the jokes are just so bad... Yeah, she's better than Joel McHale, but at least Joel never coined the term "girl wood."  *shivers*

Arkham Origins finished

As I'm writing this, the credits for Batman: Arkham Origins on the PS3 have been rolling for more than 15 minutes.  I was thinking about writing a blog about my thoughts of the game, and since the credits are still rolling I figured I might as well do so now.

If you haven't followed the series, let me just briefly bring you up to speed.  Origins is the third installment of the Batman Arkham trilogy and as the subtitle alludes, it's an origin story.  Made by a different developer than Rocksteady, who did the first two games, Origins suffers from some very rough edges not found in the previous two games.  Glitches abound (and luckily I've yet to experience any of the damaging game breaking bugs that were reported), and the city you glide your way through is a recycled Gotham from Arkham City, and a less interesting city at that.

The core gameplay is effectively the same as City.  You run around from point to point seeking out criminal masterminds and beating their henchmen senseless.  The Freeflow Combat is still a lot of fun, but now you have to put in some work in order to get the most out of it.  Like in the previous two games,  you can use your gadgets in combat, laying down explosive gel, stunning people with Batarangs and concussion grenades, yanking them forward with your Batclaw, etc.  But, you can't really do everything until you finish a set of challenges from the Most Wanted section of the menu.

Origins has a slew of villains to fight.  The story starts off with  Black Mask holding an invitational to kill Batman with 50 million dollars being the reward.  Eight of the deadliest assassins alive are after Batman's head.  These include Killer Croc, Shiva, Copperhead, Death Stroke, Dead Shot, Firefly, Electrocutioner and of course, Bane.  The majority of these encounters have been pretty fun, but a couple were real letdowns, being too simplistic for memorable fights.  There's also villains featured in the Most Wanted section, such as Anarchy and Penguin that have you running around the city doing things.  Some off these fights were nothing more than beat-everyone-up-in-the-room brawls.  The only side villain that really impressed me was the Mad Hatter, because it took me into a twisted version of Alice and Wonderland.  It made me think of Scarecrow's stage from the first Batman game.

So the game's major strength is the number of villains it features and the story that weaves their relations to Batman.  But, this IS a Batman origin story and you cannot tell it without the Joker.  Without a doubt, this is my favorite Joker of the trilogy.  They did such a great a job with him and how he reacts to Batman.  I also really enjoyed the story in general, how Batman first meets Gordon and Gordon's relentless pursuit to bring Batman in for vigilantism; the way numerous villains hold the hypocrisy above Batman's head; the self-doubt that Bruce Wayne himself has in whether or not he's doing the right thing stalking the night as Batman.

It's just a major shame that Warner Bros. needed to pump this game out so quickly after Arkham City.  The rest of Origins just doesn't hold up well with the story.  It feels too similar to City, as I already mentioned, and the Riddler challenges aren't even worth doing.  Of course, I didn't bother with them in City as there simply was too many, but that also brings up something I dislike with sandbox games.  There sometime are too many fetch-its in sandbox games that you spending all this time going around the city.  I honestly believe if Warner Bros. gave Origins another year, WB Montreal could have fine-tuned the game and made everything in it much better, something that could have been on par with Rocksteady's work.

If you never got around to playing Batman Origins, I can actually recommend you to do, despite the game's faults.  If you love Batman, you'll be entertained regardless.  Again, this is my favorite Joker.  You just have to see some of these cutscenes with him and Bats.  And well, if you played the first two games, it's only natural that you play this one as well, as it ties up everything rather well to lead into Arkham Asylum.  With Rocksteady back at the helm for the next Batman game Arkham Knight, I know it will be one incredible game.  I must say, though, it's going to be hard to top Origins in the story department.

Arkham Delay

Highly anticipated Batman: Arkham Knight for PC, Xbox One, PS4 slips to 2015.

This... is a good thing.  No, it really is.  There shouldn't be a single reason why you should be upset at a potentially great game being delayed.  ... Unless waiting for this game is all you have going in your life.  Seriously, read a book or something.  You aren't on life support, and Batman is not at your bedside making sure your vitals are beeping on the screen as they should be.  YOU'LL BE OK!

No, you shouldn't even be disappointed.  Want to be disappointed?  Let WB release Arkham Knight in October as previous scheduled, and then watch what could have been the best Batman game ever become an unfinished glitch-riddled mess.  THEN you'll be disappointed!  Because you know what?  This already happened.  It was called Batman: Arkham Origins.

Ok, ok... to be fair and for those that don't know, Batman: Arkham Origins was designed by a totally different team WB Montreal, the same team that ported over Batman: Arkham City to the Wii U.  They weren't what I'd called Rocksteady, who made the first two Batman Arkham games, but they did a decent enough job for the time they had.  "the time they had"

"THE TIME THEY HAD"

Going to give you a second to let that sink in..

The holiday schedule is great for business.  October is the month that gets the ball rolling for the busiest season of gaming for the year.  So it's a no-brainer that publishers want product to line store shelves to make the big bucks before Christmas comes and goes.  But, the holiday schedule also can be bad for the product they're selling.  Most gamers don't care, as they're just happy to have the game.  They deal with glitches, missing content, recycled designs, uninspired sequels.  They just want their fix.  Unfortunately, you just can't do anything to combat this kind of cyclic effect.

Unless you can afford delays.  Unless you have that one game that's so anticipated, people will buy it regardless of what time of year you put it out.  Arkham Knight is just one of those games.  Rocksteady can now proceed to make their game without the added pressure of that dreaded holiday deadline, and this is something that should happen more often.  "and this is something that should happen more often"

"AND THIS IS SOMETHING THAT SHOULD HAPPEN MORE OFTEN"

Sink it.  Yes, sink that shit like the Titanic.

We only do this to ourselves.  Our constant clamoring for the next great video game.  Our insatiable hunger, our unquenchable thirst for more games.  Our chubby little Cheeto  powdered digits stretched out across the counter to grab whatever pre-ordered games we've been sitting on our asses waiting for, making belly-aching YouTube videos where we make death threats to video game companies if they delay our only reason to live yet again!  We are pathetic.

So, rejoice in the fact that Arkham Knight is delayed.  Do not hang you head low.  Nay, raise it high and know that time is on your side!  Time will make your Batman game all the more better and you will be all the more thankful for it!  And if you're still pissed off about this delay, then I can only say five words to you: find something to fucking do.  "find something to fucking do"

"FIND SOMETHING TO FUCKING DO"

Your ass better be sunk to the bottom of the ocean right about now.